Thursday, April 17, 2008

What to do

I am hesitant to post this, but I need to write it down. Its crazy as i was never one of those diary girls but this blogging thing has been very good for me.We are having some pretty strong difficulties with our foster daughter. I never expected for it to be a bed of roses.In fact I have been waiting for the testing phase to begin. It just really hurts now. Its seems you can never really prepare yourself for some things.
She has decided a few of our rules are not worth living here. These rules are not up for a compromise. We have compromised on so many things which has been difficult as we do have 3 other children.But on this we will not. I hate to see her leave I really do but I cant take this tension in the house too much longer.
When she asked us to come live with her we outlined what life would be like. We had to resign back up in the foster care system and go through all the crap the state asks.We told her we would only do it if she could live by our rules. I know she is only 16 and they have psychotic brains but it is still pretty dissapointing. Truthfully for the last month I have been feeling this come on. Breaking the small rules just to see what happens. Asking to spend the night at other people houses just about every night of the week. We have even been hearing things come back to us.
We arent even talking about psycho rules. I would doubt they differ really from just about every other family. Hubby says let her try it someplace else. But I am too attached. I dont want her to. I had hoped we could help her find a goal in life other then drinking or drugs. My kids are pretty sad too they cant understand why she is fighting us.But they are also tired of the tension.That makes me sad for them.
Ok I have written this out. Maybe the feeling better part is just delayed a little.

4 comments:

Randi said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. As a probation officer, I've learned that you just can't help some people. She may well realize someday that she missed out on a great opportunity. But you are right, she must abide by your rules, or do something else. And who can know why they make the choices they do...I experience this almost everyday at work. What seems to logical and obvious to us, is a foreign concept to them. Doing what you have to do certainly doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Hugs...

Sewing Up A Storm said...

Becca my heart is breaking for you! Children are going to rebel and at times they do not see what the outcome of their decisions are going to be. I have two girls and as they get older they do try to see how far they can bend the rules. I sure hope that this will have a good outcome for you.

Smiles! Becca said...

Thank you ladies. I havent figured out how to reply to everyone personally.Some have emails associated to their names but most are all private.So if I dont reply just know that I appreciated the comments.Thank you!

Nancy H, http://gomomma.wordpress.com/ said...

16 is a hard age. They might know they are wrong & you are right but often they choose to suffer to stand their ground. It just makes you want to scream, "its ok to change your position, it doesnt mean your weak". I remember at 16 being too afraid to cross those lines yet my sister always seemed to see it as a personal challenge to cross the lines first. Anyway, its hard & I hope your find a way that works for all. {hugs}